Although I search to find a clue,
Tortured by what I come to see;
Life continues to move on,
But it's a mystery to me.
Looking for stuff to fill the hole,
Widening as it seems to be;
All I find is more to question,
'Cause it's a mystery to me.
Weight of it all pushes me down;
Cannot move, can barely breathe;
No way to know what happens now,
Cause it's a mystery to me
Chilling wind and clouded sky,
Mocking me with its serene;
My weakness bared beneath the trees,
Though it's a mystery to me.
Stomach churned by the unknown,
Not a way to set me free;
Pain growing, not a soul knows why,
And it's a mystery to me.
Cannot take it
I can't find the motivation,
rather stay in isolation,
wandering through the forest looking for the proper path.
As I learn that intuition,
won't help plans come to fruition,
plans become a way to look back at my life and laugh.
I thought if I learned enough
That I could someday see
Myself getting all I want
How stupid could I be
Finally found the way to go,
and I was walking down,
the trail was cold and all uphill,
but I still hid my frown.
Making progress slowly just a little every day,
I could see the end, could see me getting all the way.
What I couldn't see was growing
A tiny spark, it wasn't showing
So little that I co
Inside of myself is so hard to read
I'm infected with boredom and greed
I know now there is nothing I need
Still I grab quickly regretting my deed
Looking for answers I haven't found yet
I'm infected with pain and regret
Did not even notice that there was a threat
From without and within now I am beset
I realize that now it is just too late
I'm infected with chaos and hate
There is something inside here that won't wait
This has now become my dominant trait
All of it burns inside like a fire
I'm infected with lust and desire
The flames that consume me grow ever higher
They will light well my funeral pyre
With only one thing tha
Every day, every night,
wherever I go, I run in fright,
charging through the desolation,
clawing on in desperation,
where I'm going, I don't care,
anywhere is better than there.
I still can feel them, when I close my eyes
everyone is just meant for the flies.
Even when I excel, still dodging the gun,
my skill at evasion amazes no-one,
they point and they laugh even though they fail,
I wish I could stop, but still follow the trail.
Perhaps one day in trying, they will finally succeed,
that will be the sweetest day ever indeed.
The air is so still, yet I can feel the wind blow
My body moves slowly, feeling you below
I look for the right time and I start to grow
Nothing will be the same tomorrow I know.
My head is spinning, I feel it give way
It feels so good, I have nothing to say
All that has happened leads up to today
Your life flows out, and it washes away.
My eyes on your lips, my hands on your neck
Does the heart still beat, I just have to check
Thoughts no longer wander but now I'm a wreck
I tell you I'm sorry, give your forehead a peck.
For all this time it is you that I've missed
Now I can admit I am no longer pissed
The best things about you c
Everything was right
It used to be so clear
I knew where I stood
In the center of hate
Alone in the dark
I made my own light
Walls built inside
Ants dancing around me
Their ignorance theirs alone
I thought it would be better
The grass is always greener
To follow the herd
But nothing makes sense
I don't know where I fit
Can't find where to sit
The way things should go
Everything ends wrong
What do I say
What will they do
Nothing makes sense
Not like it used to
Whenever I try
It all builds on top
Why do people do this
How do I stop
This can't be right
Why do I even care
The ignorance has spread
Filling up my head
I
I remember,
how the light shone.
Not even thinking,
about what was sown.
Finally realized,
what was always known.
Couldn't tell,
how much it had grown.
Many feelings,
all that I own.
Makes me shudder,
and makes me groan.
Screwed it up,
as I am often prone.
Threw away,
for a measly bone.
Looking elsewhere,
just to reset the tone.
The memory fades,
and I am finally alone.
But the faded memory,
returns again,
the smell of night,
a flash of skin,
my heart beats faster,
I'll never win,
my anger building,
patience worn thin.
Mounting fear,
attacks within,
so many ideas,
I want to sin.
I'll find a way,
and then I'll
I'm tired of hiding, afraid to close in
thinking it can only get worse
but now I understand, that's just why it does
what's the worst that can happen?
someone gets mad, I get hurt?
chased away, and kicked in the dirt?
ganked and shanked?
Thoughts and feelings running rampant?
life filled with drama and pain?
negotiating for gain? dealing with the rain?
that's what awaits me the closer I get
but what do I get if I don't take the bet?
sitting in the dark, cold and alone?
looking to the distance, no longer anyone home?
I know nothing else, that's just where I live
with nothing to take, and nothing to give
so why I am here, writin
Although I search to find a clue,
Tortured by what I come to see;
Life continues to move on,
But it's a mystery to me.
Looking for stuff to fill the hole,
Widening as it seems to be;
All I find is more to question,
'Cause it's a mystery to me.
Weight of it all pushes me down;
Cannot move, can barely breathe;
No way to know what happens now,
Cause it's a mystery to me
Chilling wind and clouded sky,
Mocking me with its serene;
My weakness bared beneath the trees,
Though it's a mystery to me.
Stomach churned by the unknown,
Not a way to set me free;
Pain growing, not a soul knows why,
And it's a mystery to me.
Cannot take it
I can't find the motivation,
rather stay in isolation,
wandering through the forest looking for the proper path.
As I learn that intuition,
won't help plans come to fruition,
plans become a way to look back at my life and laugh.
I thought if I learned enough
That I could someday see
Myself getting all I want
How stupid could I be
Finally found the way to go,
and I was walking down,
the trail was cold and all uphill,
but I still hid my frown.
Making progress slowly just a little every day,
I could see the end, could see me getting all the way.
What I couldn't see was growing
A tiny spark, it wasn't showing
So little that I co
Inside of myself is so hard to read
I'm infected with boredom and greed
I know now there is nothing I need
Still I grab quickly regretting my deed
Looking for answers I haven't found yet
I'm infected with pain and regret
Did not even notice that there was a threat
From without and within now I am beset
I realize that now it is just too late
I'm infected with chaos and hate
There is something inside here that won't wait
This has now become my dominant trait
All of it burns inside like a fire
I'm infected with lust and desire
The flames that consume me grow ever higher
They will light well my funeral pyre
With only one thing tha
From hiding in the depths alone,
it comes out to play;
Making others scream and moan,
as it joins the fray.
Feelings mull about inside,
they just enjoy the day;
They scamper off to run and hide,
as it spots its prey.
Thoughts all attack the beast,
thinking soon that they will feast,
but it stops all who dare resist,
with the power of its fist.
When something new appears,
it is always in the way;
Taking down the best ideas,
how to stop it, who can say.
Destroying all that means a thing,
leaving nothing far or near;
While residing in my brain,
its name is simply, Fear.
Down below, it did grow,
gathering its clout;
I made such a big mistake,
somehow I let it out.
I thought it would bring strength,
but worried it was bad;
it traveled through unhindered,
scrambling defenses that I had.
Rising up to stand against it,
the Fear again came around;
with hardly even an effort,
it was thrust onto the ground.
Only one thing had the power,
to massacre my Fear;
but now that it is gone,
how I wish it was still here.
I never thought that something
everyone always searches for;
would be so much worse for me,
than what was in charge before.
I summon all my strength to fight it,
but that only makes it st
The Winner tries to stand up to,
the outside world but can't;
It just gets crushed like the hand of god,
would crush a tiny ant.
Fear stops it all, just like it had;
I may not like it, it's not that bad;
I must admit, I am not mad;
to have it back, of that I'm glad.
To have it lose again, I would just not choose;
It no longer matters, with nothing left to lose;
It locks them all up, and throws away the key;
It will be a long time, before emotions control me.
And though they'll keep trying, to again be free,
the stronger they get, the stronger will he,
after all this time, I can finally see,
what I was afraid of, has always been
I'm tired of hiding, afraid to close in
thinking it can only get worse
but now I understand, that's just why it does
what's the worst that can happen?
someone gets mad, I get hurt?
chased away, and kicked in the dirt?
ganked and shanked?
Thoughts and feelings running rampant?
life filled with drama and pain?
negotiating for gain? dealing with the rain?
that's what awaits me the closer I get
but what do I get if I don't take the bet?
sitting in the dark, cold and alone?
looking to the distance, no longer anyone home?
I know nothing else, that's just where I live
with nothing to take, and nothing to give
so why I am here, writin
I remember,
how the light shone.
Not even thinking,
about what was sown.
Finally realized,
what was always known.
Couldn't tell,
how much it had grown.
Many feelings,
all that I own.
Makes me shudder,
and makes me groan.
Screwed it up,
as I am often prone.
Threw away,
for a measly bone.
Looking elsewhere,
just to reset the tone.
The memory fades,
and I am finally alone.
But the faded memory,
returns again,
the smell of night,
a flash of skin,
my heart beats faster,
I'll never win,
my anger building,
patience worn thin.
Mounting fear,
attacks within,
so many ideas,
I want to sin.
I'll find a way,
and then I'll
Everything was right
It used to be so clear
I knew where I stood
In the center of hate
Alone in the dark
I made my own light
Walls built inside
Ants dancing around me
Their ignorance theirs alone
I thought it would be better
The grass is always greener
To follow the herd
But nothing makes sense
I don't know where I fit
Can't find where to sit
The way things should go
Everything ends wrong
What do I say
What will they do
Nothing makes sense
Not like it used to
Whenever I try
It all builds on top
Why do people do this
How do I stop
This can't be right
Why do I even care
The ignorance has spread
Filling up my head
I